Canada Invasion CP small group
signal is the place for tea
JD Vance [Vice President]: Hey everybody, just gonna check in, we invading Canada today?
Mike Waltz [National Security Advisor]: yeah, gonna grab a latte from sbux first, anyone want me to grab them a cap or anything before I swing by the sit room? ☕️🥡💪
Mike Waltz added Justin Trudeau to the conversation.
Tulsi Gabbard [Director of National Intelligence (DNI)]: I’ll take a soy cap.
Marco Rubio [Secretary of State]: nothing for me
John Ratcliffe [Director of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)]: can I have a Macchiato? I’ll get you back on Venmo.
Pete Hegseth [Secretary of Defense]: does sbux have cocktails?
Mike Waltz added Mark Carney to the conversation.
JD Vance: potus is deep into some chick-fil-a, so I’ll fill him in after. We thinking 101st Airborne to Ottawa government buildings first, or what?
Pete Hegseth: I was thinking we’d open with a time-on-target from B-52s with JDAMs and Tomahawks on the Olympic Village in Montreal to open, that slanty tower thing never sat right with me. Then we’d put Navy Seal Team 4 on Nipigon Bridge to secure and protect it for the 1st Battalion, 151st Field Artillery (1–151 FA) of the Minnesota Army National Guard to move north from Minnesota and wheel right toward Thunder Bay. Anyone have a preference on giving the Abrams tanks more armor piercing rounds than incendiary rounds? Rain has been light in Canada and we don’t want to start wildfires.
JD Vance: that sounds like a safer choice for us to use.
Marco Rubio: agreed
John Radcliffe: agreed on ordnance
Tulsi Gabbard: can we add a few T-90s to those tank columns? Or even better do we have any T-14 Armatas to put on the mix?
John Radcliffe: No, we don’t have T-90s or T-14s; those are Russian.
Marco Rubio: can we make sure we have some HH-60G Pave Hawks with the 934th Airlift Wing’s compliment going to Ottawa to support the 101st? Gotta make sure we have some SAR assets because my phone doesn’t have good maps of Ottawa on it yet and I don’t want our boys getting lost if theirs don’t either.
Pete Hegseth: good call. We are go to do this thing at 1pm later today. 🪖🪖🔫
JD Vance: in which time zone?
Tulsi Gabbard: Eastern.
Mike Waltz: CST
Marco Rubio: yeah
Mike Waltz: waiting for a drink carrier thingy from sbux. Should be in sit room in 10. I got SIGINT telling me Prime Minister Carney is totally just faffing around on his phone right now. They’re gonna be so blindsided. 😵 🇨🇦💥
Tulsi Gabbard: rofl 🚁
Marco Rubio: 👀📲🇺🇸
Pete Hegseth: 🍾🍸
VP Vance: 🎉🥳🛋️
Mike Waltz: 👊🇺🇸🔥
John Radcliffe: Ok, we’re doing this, and I’ll circle back on our status afterward with our next action items. Mike, it too late to grab me a frapp?
© Copyright March 27, 2025, David August, all rights reserved davidaugust.com
David August is an award-winning actor, acting coach, writer, director, and producer. He plays a role in the movie Dependent’s Day, and after its theatrical run, it’s now out on Amazon (affiliate link). He has appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC, on the TV show Ghost Town, and many others. His artwork has been used and featured by multiple writers, filmmakers, theatre practitioners, and others to express visually. Off-screen, he has worked at ad agencies, start-ups, production companies, and major studios, helping them tell stories their customers and clients adore. He has guest lectured at USC’s Marshall School of Business about the Internet.
